We all need to take some time for a self-love ritual every now and again, but especially around Valentine’s Day when the feeling of love is well and truly in the air. Whether you’re single or have a partner, Valentine’s Day shouldn’t just be about romantic love, we also need to celebrate the love we have for ourselves, and even more so if we are single!

I wanted to pull together a way you could create a unique self-love ritual that connects with you and makes you feel truly loved and taken care of. Below I’ve made a few lists of tools, fragrances, Tarot decks and spreads and herbs that will all help you to create your own ritual. You just need to pick the ones that speak to you the loudest and at the end, we’ll put everything together to create your self-love ritual.

Why perform a self-love ritual for Valentine’s Day?

According to a Healthline survey, around 26% of those asked said they would feel sad if they were alone on Valentine’s Day and many of us can feel pressure to do something big or even feel the pressure of not doing anything at all. For those that find themselves single on Valentine’s Day, there may be a desire to forget the day even exists, but using this day to celebrate self-love is a great way of taking part in all the excitement without feeling like you’re missing out completely.

Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-break on.
— Maxwell Maltz

We all need a bit more self-love and what better time to carve out some ‘me’ time than a day solely dedicated to love? Spending this time and energy on yourself can have a number of benefits, from increasing self-confidence, boosting self-esteem and easing stress and anxiety. Ideally, we should be doing a self-love ritual every week, or at least every other week. We need to always be celebrating ourselves and showing gratitude for all parts of ourselves.

Below I’ll give you guys a few different tools that you can use to channel that self-love energy. Pick one thing from each category, whichever one calls to you the most, try not to overthink it, just listen to your intuition and go with the flow.

Self-Love Crystals

Perfect for self or romantic love. Gentle energy that allows you to feel that warm and joyous feeling of unconditional love.

In-tune with the heart chakra, Malachite can help keep out any negativity and help with spiritual healing and transformation.

A nurturing and balancing crystal. Great for getting you back on track and to break old habits causing conflict.

Self-Love Tarot & Oracle

Great for some deep and not always comfortable inner work. Taking care of yourself from the inside out using astrology and lunar energy.

A really straight forward oracle deck that gives you easy to follow prompts and affirmations to help you give yourself some self-love and self-care. Great for setting intentions.

For some divine guidance that will not only help you think deeper about your self-care, but also identify new areas to work on for ultimate self-love.

Self-Love Flowers & Herbs

Dried Rose Petals – Perfect for using either in homemade incense blends or sprinkled into your bath. These can also be used in self-love charm bags or bottles. Buy dried rose petals here.

Lavender – Often used for calming and sleep, using lavender can also help you to create a sense of relaxation within yourself and in your own company. It is also often used as a way to attract love to you if you need a bit of a boost of self-love. Buy dried Lavender here.

Bay Leaves – Good for wish fulfilment and can be used to invite specific self-love into your life. I like to write on the leaves themselves the things I want to attract and then burn them, but you can also put them in a small jar or pouch to use as a talisman. Buy dried Bay Leaves here.

Rosemary – a strong herb of protection, you can use Rosemary to protect you either from comments from others that don’t make you feel good (e.g. if your mother won’t stop asking you when you’re getting married or going to give her grandkids) or even negative self-talk. Buy dried Rosemary here.

*You can use fresh plants and herbs, but I like to keep dried ingredients so I can use them time and time again. All links above are Amazon Affiliate links.

Incense for Self-Love

A lightly floral fragrance, Jasmine can help to gently surround you with self-love and guide you into a deeper sense of peace.

Deep and intense, Dragon’s Blood Incense is good for a fiery boost of self-love for those looking for something more radical.

Cleanse any negative thinking about yourself with White Sage incense and release the bad to welcome in more of the good, loving energy.

Candles for Self-Love

Pink – The classic colour of love. A pink candle can help with those tender self-love rituals that gently encourage a sense of self-acceptance and peace with yourself. Buy pink spell candles here.

Red – The colour of passion and fire, this is for radical self-love rituals that have the focus of bringing about realisations around how amazing, beautiful and skilled you are. Buy red spell candles here.

Black – Used to release negative self-talk and feeling. Allow the black candle to absorb the terrible things you tend to think or say about yourself to leave you feeling lighter and more positive. Buy black spell candles here.

Green – To feel a sense of self-growth and nurture any self-love you have already collected for yourself. Green is the colour of fertility and growth so this is a great one for anyone that is looking to ascend into the higher version of themselves. Buy green spell candles here.

The suggested products above are fairly small, so a normal candle holder may be a little too big. If you don’t have a mini candle holder, you can also support the candles using sand or salt in a dish. Or, you can find lots of spell candle holders like this star candle holder or this set of small ceramic candle holders.

*again all links are Amazon Affiliate links

Putting your self-love ritual together

Now we know what tools we’ll be using it’s time to put everything together. Now, this particular blog is aimed at Valentine’s Day, but you can do this self-love ritual whenever you feel the need! Some particularly good times are during a new moon or full moon.

To start, you want to make sure you’ve got a space where you can comfortably sit undisturbed for at least an hour or so. This could be at an altar, in a spare room or even tucked away in a hot bath. There are many ways you can perform a self-love ritual, but here are a few common ways you might want to consider.

  • Burning rituals – This requires you to burn strips of paper or Bay Leaves on which you’ve written things you want to attract or release. This is good if you’re using this self-love ritual to get rid of negative self-thinking or limiting beliefs. It can also be good at releasing past traumas that have been preventing you from loving yourself completely.

  • Bath/Shower rituals – Usually used for cleansing, these types of rituals can be a really nourishing way to show self-love. You can add your herbs and flowers to your bath to soak in all their self-loving energy while surrounded by your crystals and burning your candles and incense. This is a more indulgent way of showing self-love.

  • Charm/ Talisman ritual – A very gentle and relaxing way to perform your self-love ritual. You can simply light your candles and incense and spend 10 minutes meditating on the idea of self-love or even journaling about some of the things you love about yourself. Then take a small drawstring pouch and fill it with your herbs and your crystal as you think about the ways you want to love yourself more. Then carry that with you for supportive loving energy as you go about your day.

No matter what ritual you choose, I always recommend starting it with a 10-minute meditation to get you grounded and focused on the ritual at hand. It can also be really effective to create a short self-love affirmation for yourself that can help anchor you in your ritual’s intention, something like:

I am deserving, I am capable, I am strong, I am loved

Remember that there is no right and wrong way to do a self-love ritual, it is a personal practice that is unique to you. As long as you feel connected and empowered by what you’re doing, you’re doing it right.

Now go forth, grab all the tools you need and have an amazing Valentine’s Day!